Sex Positive: What Does It Mean?
In our society, sex is very in your face but also taboo, which can create conflicting feelings.
We consume media that features sexually suggestive images. We are constantly sold things that supposedly help us look good for potential mates at all times.
There have been whole industries built on helping people attract someone they can spend their entire lives with - or even just one night.
At the same time, society likes to look down on those - especially women - that have sex for fun and without shame.
Enter the concept of being "sex positive".
What Does It Mean To Be Sex Positive?
Sex positivity may seem like a new concept but the sex positive movement has been around longer than you think. It boils down to the understanding that sex is a normal and healthy part of life.
While that's the simplest way to write down a sex positive definition, it's not the complete picture.
Let's look into what it really means to be sex positive and how you can incorporate the ideas into your own life.
Sex Is Normal And Healthy
Some aspects of society would like us to believe that sex is something that only comes into play during special occasions. It should be seen as something abnormal and rare.
The thing is, having sex is a normal part of any creature's life, including human beings.
Having sex has a lot of great health benefits including
- Lowers your blood pressure
- Lessens any pain you might have
- Helps you manage stress
Don't deny yourself - sex is healthy and natural.
One of the biggest issues with the concept of sex positivity is consent.
Sex is a very intimate act and involves a lot of vulnerability. It's important that consent is clearly given. Sex is never "owed" to anyone. A person who is under the influence of drugs and alcohol can't consent.
And one of the most important concepts of consent: consent can be withdrawn at any time and for any reason.
That means that even if your partner said they wanted to have sex with you and then they change your mind, you're accepting of it. Even if it's smack in the middle of the act, if consent is withdrawn, you have to honor the other person's wishes.
Be Open About Discussing Sex
Being open to talking about sex doesn't mean that you lean over in the line for coffee and give the person next to you a play-by-play of what you did last weekend.
A sex positive person is comfortable discussing their needs with their partners. They are open about what's expected in regards to things like birth control or answering questions about sexual histories.
Being open about talking to your partner about sex can be a lot of fun. When you can discuss your fantasies without shame, you might find a new thing (or two) to try!
Being Okay With Different Concepts Of A Sex Life
Does being sex positive mean you run outside and start jumping anything and anybody that you see (with their consent, of course)?
It could. But being comfortable with not wanting to have sex at all is okay too. Sex positivity means embracing many definitions of what constitutes a sex life.
If someone doesn't want to ever have sex, that's their choice. If someone wants to have one night stands only, as long as they are safe and everyone consents, that is their business.
Be honest with yourself and do what feels right for you.
Being Okay With Different Concepts Of Sexuality
It feels nice when we can wrap everything up with a neat little bow and put it in exactly the place where it belongs.
That works great for color coordinating sweaters on a rainy Sunday evening but human sexuality is a bit more complex.
No doubt you've seen some variation of the acronym LGBTQ, representing lesbians, gays, bisexuals, trans, and queer. These are just a few examples of the spectrum of human sexuality.
Things can change or you might develop different feelings over time. Listen to yourself and be honest.
For example, if you were a woman who identified as straight and only dated men, you might find yourself attracted to a woman later. Does this mean you're bisexual or lesbian? It doesn't have to mean anything.
Sex positivity doesn't always have labels. Use them if it helps you understand yourself but always be honest with yourself.
Sex Doesn't Have To Stop
Another myth that you might've learned: once you're over the hill, the sex stops!
Doesn't that sound sad? Why shouldn't you enjoy sex in your older years?
Stay sex positive in your golden years. Ditch the shame about what you should look like and what you should do and instead stay active.
Remember -there are tons of health benefits associated with sex. This could be a great fountain of youth!
While it seems like a no-brainer, sex is meant to be enjoyed. You can feel free to just have sex for the fun of it.
Unfortunately, years or even a lifetime of conditioning can prevent you from doing so. For example, many women face the reality on their honeymoon that they have to go from shy virgin to hot goddess without any instruction.
Learning to enjoy sex might come naturally to you (pun intended!) or might be a journey. Get to know your body and take pleasure in the process.
After all, there's a reason the sex toy industry jumped by ten points in five short years!
Get Sex Positive, Stay Sex Positive
Now that you've got the roadmap to a sex positive lifestyle, we're sure you can't wait to start your journey!
Remember to be open-minded, respect your partner, communicate honestly with them and yourself, and most importantly - have fun!
Embrace sex positivity and enjoy your life!